The Black Cloud

It’s been awhile since I posted a blog entry. Previous entries have almost invariably been Beatle or Partick Thistle related. It’s with more than a little trepidation then that I turn to an altogether more serious subject matter. Yes, there are some things more important than Partick Thistle Football Club.

There aren’t many people who have stumbled across my blog so it is tempting to ask why bother blogging in the first place? The simple truth is that although I don’t necessarily have any great flare or talent for it, I find writing relaxing. Typing out a few random thoughts here and there can prove to be quite a cathartic exercise.

And that is something that I’m badly in the need of.

Now I know that I’m a grumpy sod. That’s unlikely to ever change, besides as I’m fond of telling Alison; I’m laughing on the inside.

Having freely confessed to the above I need to admit something else.

For more years than I care to remember I’ve been battling against depression, anxiety and stress related illnesses.

It’s not something that I suffer from all the time; far from it but when I do, as I am right now, it becomes incredibly debilitating.

It’s more than just feeling a bit ‘down in the dumps’ – we all suffer from that from time to time.

It’s as if a huge black cloud descends over you. That black cloud removes any kind of self esteem or self worth that you might have. Criticism is like a knife through the heart, especially when you are deliberately target.

It makes even the simplest of tasks almost unbearably hard. Social interaction becomes extremely difficult.

It’s all too easy to allow that black cloud to envelope you entirely and once you’ve let that happen then you are in real trouble.

I’m fortunate, what I suffer is very mild compared to that of others. I’ve a sympathetic and helpful GP. Medication helps, although it can often leave me feeling drained and devoid of energy, themselves symptoms of the illness in the first place.

Keeping my mind active helps too. Which is why since heading home from work early today suffering the shakes from a particularly bad panic attack, I’ve been busy working away on next Saturday’s Thistle programme.

See, this self obsessed blog entry was really about Partick Thistle all along.